Posted: May 13th 2015

As I was telling you yesterday about Car trouble…

It reminded me of a time Malcolm Cook was down in Swansea.

(See below if you're not sure who Malcolm is...)

Every time I opened my car door, or switched the engine on or off, the alarm would go off for TWO MINS.


The new key took a WEEK to arrive.

It was like South Central LA on our street for 7 DAYS.

Neighbours were going nuts.

He always reminds me of it.

Loves a laugh Malcolm.

I asked my brother Billy to go and pick him up on his arrival that summer.

(He’s always getting lost on the roads of Swansea - that’s why we put him on train these days)

Plus, I was up to my eyes in organising the following day’s big event.

Malcolm knew this…

We’d already had so much hassle and Billy must have told him I was up to my eyes in it, so Mal saw his chance…

Billy was all ‘OOOhhh he’s not happy Frank’ on the phone to me

‘Says he’s disgusted you didn’t go and pick him up yourself.’ He’s already gone back to Bradford. Said 'he doesn’t work with amateurs’

So I’m thinking ‘what am I gonna do?’

As if I didn’t have enough to worry about with our official launch event.

Didn’t realise it was a wind up until they both walked through the door while I was havin a nervous breakdown....

(Only funny looking back I can tell you)


Had him back a couple of weeks ago …

Phoned him up in my best Yorkshire accent, told him the rest of his neighbours on his street (in his home in Bradford) had “enough of him struttin round thinking he owns the place…”

“Mowing your front lawn with your top off all the time.”

‘Who do you think you are ya big Jock ****?”

‘It was about time someone sorted you out mate, and I’m the man to do it.”

Mal must have thought his Glasgow brawling days were left way behind him ha ha

He just said: “Who is this? I want your name? Give me your name now”

So I told him…

“Billy Big Balls, my Scottish friend. Your WORST chuffin nightmare…

C’mon, me and you pal…England v Scotland. Tops off. Guns out. Winner takes all. Hardest man in the street”

(I could almost hear the wheels going round in his head ‘who have I upset now? Ha ha)

I kept it going for a couple of minutes…

(Nowhere near as long as he strung me along for…)

Then I just had to let him off the hook.

Mainly because I couldn’t keep my laughter in anymore!

Talk tomorrow


PS - there are some SERIOUS MESSAGES in all of this…

1. The down times do come to an end (even if it takes a full 7 days ha ha)

2. Just as there's always more than ONE way to get your 'own back', there's also always more than ONE way to 'make it' as a Footballer...

And that’s the message former Liverpool FC Youth Boss Malcolm Cook at our special end-of-season-awards night - Thursday 28th May 2015 at the Dragon hotel, Swansea.

He'll also be introducing some never-seen before ideas from a NEW book we are writing together.

Get your tickets ASAP. Call Lisa on 07880336558 Tuesday 12pm - 5pm Friday 9am - 2pm / or email